One thing I love about Kevin and I's relationship is that we are so often on the same page before we even discuss the topic. Soon after Ayda was born I mentioned discipline. I was curious how he thought he would discipline our children. We immediately realized we were thinking the same thing...we would not spank our children. The only thing with that was, how would we discipline? I was spanked, he was spanked, pretty much everyone we know spank their kids. So what would we do in order to not have a disrespectful, disobeying child? Our convictions, though, were that we felt spanking typically happens while the parent is angry with the child. I did not want to react that way in anger. Also I struggled with spanking my child for hitting, kicking, biting, etc. I felt I was disciplining a wrong with a wrong.
Now jump forward 18 months. We still stand strong on our way of disciplining. We have not had to spank Ayda once. Don't get me wrong, she has certainly made me mad plenty of times. But because I am not going to spank her I have to take a second, cool down, and talk to her. She does go into time out as well. I feel like that also gives me the chance to take a deep breath and decide what my next action should be. She sits in time out, sometimes cries, and looks at me. I then have the chance to talk to her and teach about apologies/forgiveness or figure out what is wrong and where we need to go from there. Kevin has taught me SO much about patience. He feels like we need to see the whole picture when it comes to her side of things. She cannot vocalize to me or him what she is truly feeling. If she is pitching a fit because I took something away from her (perhaps because it was dangerous), I need to see past the temper tantrum and see that she is mad something was taken away. She does not know it is dangerous. I need to teach that. I would be mad if someone grabbed something from me without explanation. So Kevin brings that type of thing to my attention so often. I also accept the fact that she is going to get mad, she will likely try to hit me, or scream. If I react in anger and raise my voice back I am teaching nothing. Instead I have found that if I lower my voice, come down to her level, acknowledge her feelings, and explain my reasons she actually calms right down and is ok. We then find something she can play with and have fun again.
Anyway, I am pleased to know that spanking is not the only way to discipline. Ayda is very well behaved, listens very well, and it is very rare that we have melt downs throughout our day. I also have figured out she is very likely to get more upset if she is tired or hungry, just like pretty much anyone! So you will always find Whole Wheat Ritz Crackers or some sort of easy snack in my car/diaper bag and I make sure she has plenty of time to get her sleep!
Again, I would love to know your thoughts on this!
Rebekah, you have several great points in this blog; great reminders for myself and Oliver! You are right about not discipline your children in anger, and we should teach and explain to them what they did wrong and how they can do right next time (including asking for forgiveness!). On top of that, to do so without raising your voice (a tough one for me!) And to reduce factors which magnify the manifestation of their sin in making sure they are not tired or hungry definitely help. All very, very helpful!
ReplyDeleteBut may I raise this for you to think about? The question you have raised, "Spanking: Good or Bad," though I am sure that it was well-intentioned, is really the wrong question. Has God revealed Himself to us in His Word? If yes, then is that Word inerrant and authoritative for us? If yes, does the Bible say anything about spanking? If yes, what does it say about it? So, I believe, the right question to ask is: "Spanking: Biblical or Unbiblical."